I got a Fiancee and Many girl friends..WHOA!!!

My title caught your attention...LoL. Anyway if you follow my series of Love and Marriage, it is not difficult to realise this blog post is going to be filled with practical tips. Tips of what? Be patient and continue to read, young jedi...RoFL.

So everyone knows I got a fiancee But many girl friends??? If u read carefully, it says "girl friends" and not "girlfriends" (without space). I prefer not to call them girl friends but rather female buddies. Platonic (Deep and spiritual connection between two individuals where the sexual element does not enter.) relationship to some is just a myth while to others is especially true.

With men and women intermingling in various spheres of life that were gender-specific in the past (home, the workplace, sports, school), people of the opposite sex are discovering new common ground and more reasons to be friends. However, our media constantly showed in drama series and movies, that male/female friendship eventually evolved into romantic relationship. Romantic interest, physical attraction and jealousy of guys chasing your female friend can threaten to jeopardize a life long cross gender friendship. So how to draw boundaries and lines...

1. Determine your feelings and his/hers
Be honest with yourself, ask yourself
"Do u really treat him/her as a friend?"
" Are u jealous of people of opposite sex talking to him/her?"
"Do you truly believe this person is better suited to you as a friend than a romantic partner and Y?

Your answer to above question helps u determine, do u really want him/her to be platonic friends.

2.Define your relationship from the start.
After you decide with point 1, dealing with yourself, now u need to consider how he/she thinks.
Do not presume that he/she thinks the same, communicate to know how he/she feels
Discuss why you both want to be just friends, have a mutual understanding of each other views and postion that both of you decide whether you guys can really be platonic friends.


3. Talk to your significant half (your girl/boyfriend, spouse). Ask your friend to talk to theirs as well.
Settle any insecurities or trust issues within a relationship that might be magnified by cross gender friendship.

Acknowledge any borderline feelings from the start and provide reason for friendship that outweighs those feelings:

"Yes, I think she is one Hot girl and i will be lying if I say i thought she is ugly. But we can only be
friends becoz we have been long time school mates and never involved romantic relationship besides I have you already" (becoz....and so on...above just an example)

"Maybe he and I could've been compatible as a couple, but no matter what I met you first and we are meant to be together. I am committed to work out relationship with you because we meant to be."

Also tell them the difference you have inside your head to differentiate romantic relationship from platonic.
E.gWhat they have to attract u your fren dun.

"I can share my views, philosophy and maybe team working with Jenny, but with you, we share dreams, hopes, regrets and most importantly a future"

4.) Involve your significant half You should make an honest attempt to befriend their significant other and include yours. Coordinate get-togethers that you all can enjoy as a group. Include your significant other in outings with your friend. Jealousy is much less likely to be an issue if your significant other can get to know your friend. It's going to take time, especially if they don't believe in platonic friendships. Likewise, even if you don't like their significant other, understand there might be a little doubt and jealousy over the friendship. Find out what they like to do and suggest an outing for just the two of you. By becoming a friend to the couple, the doubts and jealousy usually vanish in time.

5.) Minimize sexual tension.
Don't be "touchy feely" with your friend, even if you consider yourself to be a naturally affectionate person, and especially if either of you are in a romantic relationship with someone else. Sure, it's possible to make physical contact without inciting sexual attraction, but hormones can play tricks on us. Don't give those hormones a chance to confuse your status as friends. Limit hugs and physical contact to the same amount you share with a sibling or a co-worker, depending on what you feel is appropriate, and what you think your significant other (or theirs) would feel comfortable with. If you find the need to hug and touch them more, then maybe you're not just friends...DUH..french kissing and letting your hands wander around isn't too right for just friends only right...Read 1.) ...be honest to yourself!

6.) Prevent borderline situations.
Don't give people a reason to think you're more than just friends. Having a night out together is fine, but don't bring your friend into social scenarios where everyone else has a date. That is called dating, not friendship. You wouldn't ask your same sex friend to accompany you to your sister's wedding, so don't ask your opposite sex friend! If you are going somewhere that might appear romantic (e.g. a movie or a fancy restaurant) but you do not want it to appear that way, invite another friend of the same sex. Even then, people may insinuate that you are more than friends; be prepared for those suggestions, and think of how you can deny them gracefully.

7.) Reduce contact or end the friendship if the boundaries can't be clarified or upheld.
If your friend is attracted to you as more than a friend and can't seem to put that attraction aside, it's time to stop him/her. Keep contact casual, conversations short, and get-together s brief. If the friend continues to press for a romantic relationship when you've made it clear that you don't want one, if they constantly trash talk your significant other (without good reason), or if they let their own significant other demean you, then perhaps the friendship isn't worth keeping, and this person should just be an aquaintance...merely a "Hi and bye" friend.

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Personal Experiences
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My own experiences, sometimes it is natural to feel some attraction, but when you are honest with yourself and determine to be true to your significant half as well as to your friend...great friendship do blossom. I once chase after my secondary school friend (of coz i suck @ chasing girl that time) and over the time...I realize that we could be wonderful buddies for life...even though it seems peculiar to others and even due to the fact that i am romantically interested to her @ a point did not end this wonderful friendship we are having now.

I got a few more platonic gal friends notably one ex-colleague, my best buddy (nickname:Kuku Nathan) 's fiancee, one xiao mei mei from my old youth group...weird but seems like girls are least likely to link cross gender friendship with motives of "sexual intimacy" than guys.

Recently I know another girl through facebook due to common interests. She and me are so alike that I would nicknamed her CornMaiden...yea she is damn corny and I even feel that she is my long lost sister.. There are a few friends who know about it...ask me "din you have a fiancee?" I was like.. "Can't a guy have platonic female friends?"...anyway it's hard to explain...

To those who did not have any platonic female friends and criticize me on this issue..."You suck...coz you are of low EQ to handle relationship doesn't mean others are!" Do some research and reading and you will know that i speak the Truth... :) Feels good to write the last session of this blog..muahaha good night losers!